Its weird... isnt it, every time you pack for a trip or a short visit you just make sure you pack your nicest stuff. Stuff you know you bought to use when you're hiking, visiting a new place, going dining in an elegant restaurant, etc. you never pack stuff that are not valuable to you, that you know it might embarrass you or be of no use to you, stuff that you might just have but not like or you keep cause maybe one day you might need to give away. They are just worthless for just being themselves.
I stood infront of my suitcase wondering, now what to pack, what do I really care to have with me... it never was that hard, this time its different as I wanna pack for a really long trip that I wish I will only be able to come back but this time I will be just visiting.
Hours passed by and I kept going back and forth, looking into an empty room full of memories, can one pack memories?! A couple more hours and I had to decide, so I let go of myself and as usual packed what I will need to wear for the office, for the beach, for the gym. Now I need to pack what I really need to keep with me, what I really care to have in that unknown type of trip.
I was totally blindfolded this time, I kept on packing and packing and here it was infront of me and all full two huge suitcases of clothes and shoes, sitting beside them a small bag with stuff... what stuff, I opened the bag again and there it was inside, pictures, CDs, my mum's perfume, my dad's watch, books and papers. It looked like I packed my memories of the Egypt I wanna have with me.
A small family album full of pictures of my dad smiling, I loved his smile it always lightened up the darkest rooms, still it does every time I look at his pictures I just feel him smiling back at me and I do smile back at him. I would pay years of my life and have his smile back for a minute, his kind eyes, his wisdom and his loving heart.
Books sure, who wouldnt need books, but my collection arent only my favorite but more of what I selected to read at every different stage in my life, its like keeping track of me and the identity I chose through books!
And here it came my favorite collection of music and DVDs, the sounds that will remind me of the Egypt I want to remember, the one I love, the kind of music that will carry within it the voice of Egypt that I despise nothing as much as loving it. The music that my dad used to play to us in his car whenever he was driving us to the beach, the music that I grew up to listen to with my friends and had it in the background of our home parties, the sounds of which every memory smells and tastes great, not the sounds one is forced to hear now.
I packed Egypt in a suit case, I packed my memories of it, the one that my dad worshiped, the one that his love for amazed me and kept me wondering whats with it that he loves it that much, I packed my childhood, my memories the good ones only as I promised myself to leave behind all the bad and worn out ones. I packed what I want to look back to and feel homesick without the need to fake it.
Its all there in a small bag, years that one cant define how did they pass, moments that one can measure his life with, its all packed there and ready for me to cherish and carry on with my life leaving behind the worthless agony and nonsense.
Would one survive somewhere else other than home, I guess I would as I have a small bag of the home I loved. Its always better to love from a distance than to hate from being within.