Up a new hill….

Riding your bike freely believing the world is your playground, you stumble, you fall, get up, you fall again, this time its harder, you believe you wont be falling this way ever again as now you know all about riding your way in this life, then you fall again, a stone, a rock and maybe fall down a hill, you just keep on getting up and falling. Then one day, the very tired bleeding you get up believing you will never ride again, but you are forced to, you look around to see if anybody saw you falling that much so you can hide from them believing that if they knew how you failed they will judge you. Then you step back, look at your wounds and start on feeling the pain, you got wounds everywhere, your knees are really hurting, and you are bleeding, yet you heal and start over again but every now and then you check up for the wounds, they won't magically vanish, they wont easily go, however they will heal yet there will always be scars.

The scars will keep reminding you of your falls, the hurt. Them being different and many will remind you how you once didn’t give up and kept on riding your bike and kept on getting hurt. Some are deep and some are barely seen, even scars can vanish and will be forever forgotten. They start big as they say but they grow smaller. At the beginning you fear showing them as this would be nothing but an indication of how badly you have been hurt and how many wounds you have got, people might use this against you, they might judge, maybe worse they might use you as they know now how fragile you have become with all these scars covering you, it doesn’t have to be an indication of being powerful getting up and trying and falling more, to them it could just be a proof of how tired you should have become. They might even believe you are far away from reason as how come you never learned from your lessons, how come you didn't once stop and reconsider, why didn’t you avoid this rock, why did you in the first place chose getting up this hill.

People wont get to know the difference between your scars, to them they are all the same, but you know every and each one and you might even remember when did you get it, which year, which friend or lover, who stabbed you from the back, who used you, hurt you, caused you pain, who did you lost forever, who turned his back on you and who just betrayed you. Some scars got nothing to do with others; it could just be life, misfortune, or even fate. Sometimes it could be you, as you yourself did hurt yourself, intentionally or not, that's not the issue, the scar is there to remind you.

You might decide being tough and never getting hurt anymore, you decide as you are forced to ride the bike that you better watch out and never fall again. On your trip you even decide that for this picture to be perfect you better hide these scars, you paint and paste on them so they wont be visible and people wont stare, you cover them up, if they saw them they will know how fragile you are, they might hurt and maybe judge or even worse as they might pity you and that’s the last thing you would ever want. You did a great job hiding, all your techniques are perfect, you managed perfectly to delude them, you are tough and rude, not weak and shy, that’s better now they will just back off. However, those who were riding their bikes beside you still know about the real you, they know well how you are faking it, they can see through the clothes, even worse, they can see through your soul, there are scars there too, maybe more ugly than the apparent ones, and you forgot all about them in your disguising perfect scheme, its obvious and no matter how you pretended, some did manage easily to see them.

You forgot you are not the only one who did fall, you forgot about others being just like you, you pretended not to care, yes they got hurt and maybe they just bleed as much as you did but the difference is you never stop and point out while many just did. Their cruelty hurts more, those who judge, blame and make fun of your misery, those who didn’t even care to check on you, give you a hand and just stood still bragging about how they managed not to fall your falls, how they managed to heal easily as that’s how tough they are. You feel ashamed and try your best to avoid those people as all they do is reminding you of your pain and even worse they might refer to it in a funny way that would help in nothing but deepening it and add more to the shame.

It’s a double standard society that we live in, and sure people love nothing as much as seeing others falling specially those who pretend being tough and being reputed and marketed well as powerful. There is something weird about people, they feel a kind of nourishment in their soul, a certain kind of happiness and fulfillment for being better than those who maybe tried and failed. In others failures they taste a certain kind of gratification and believe they are winners for just not being in your shoes. It’s a bizarre kind of success that they didn’t work for, guess they don’t believe in the no pain no gain saying anymore and for them its all about no pain always gain, maybe safe, one wont bother questioning!

So what's after covering and hiding, maybe its time to stop this useless effort of just quitting life for the sake of being afraid of it, quitting people cause you are so tired of handling their criticism. What about showing the world your scars, your soul scars, at the very end you are a human. They can point out at you as much as they want, why would you bother or even care. The scars could be an indication of your failure and misfortune but can also stand as a proof of how brave you are. And when people pointing and judging you, you better point with them saying yes I have them and yes I am getting over them and that’s why I am showing them. Maybe they will heal faster, maybe they will just disappear, but one got to try and get up again, more careful than before for sure, get back and ride the bike, try a new route, ride up a new hill, challenge something new and examine how tough your scars made you. Maybe in a new journey a new you will be discovered, a real strong one, not just the one you have been faking to cover your shattered soul.