Unfortunately I don’t consider myself one of the feminists as some of them just totally ruined the cause for the rest. When you handle a certain cause and you go too far with it to the extent that some people would accuse you of being an extremist, when you forget what you are actually fighting for by not allowing reason, logic and being too emotional about it, you are just helping those people who would oppose in having a louder voice and eliminating your supporters chances of joining and backing you up.
When I started this blog I was more into the fun of it, I was more into filling it with positive ideas, some of what I like, what I despise, I wasn’t exposing my beliefs as many of my friends know that I would rather keep that to myself and I prefer it this way. But just a week ago I thought but why not just write down about what is really disturbing you, mainly in your culture, your people so called traditions, and sure your country, just write without offending anybody or even judging anybody, more reason and logic and as much as less emotions as you can manage. And I started writing “Buried in Tradition” but I didn’t post it as I couldn’t finish it, in the middle of it I lost interest and for no reason was demotivated. But that was till this weekend, I guess I will sure post it soon and maybe add more to it.
Now back to my main subject, I had a wonderful trip with great people, I consider them from the elites as they are more intellectual than many people I know and I find it more easily to mingle with and feel safe when I give a piece of my mind infront, they rarely judge as they are open minded, liberal and balanced. So for the sake of having a good time we all joined for a trip to Alexandria as it was a sunny warm day and we all wanted to enjoy each other company and I wanted more than any of them to explore Alexandria as it had been over a decade since I visited it. We managed to plan the day right, visit as many places as we can and check out different areas. But since I am not dedicating these lines to Alexandria I will save trip details to another post. Lets just say I enjoyed the day, noticed a huge change in the city, and was overwhelmed by its beauty and simplicity. Sure one day wasn’t enough to mingle more and get to know about its streets and people, but we did well.
By the end of the day we all decided to check one of the old districts ... they call it the Fish Market, it was dark already so no selling activities took place, then nearby this area we decided having dessert in one of the well-known old places there serving ice cream and rice pudding. We entered the place that was filled with people, three guys and girls and just the server showed us to a small table so we sat, checked the menu, laughed and ordered eagerly. The server brought us the pudding and just left the cheque on the table till we are finished so we would pay and leave while him monitoring us so we wont be leaving without paying I guess. And as it was a really good day I wanted as a nice gesture to pay for the dessert as that was our last stop before leaving and heading back to Cairo. Me simply took the cheque, looked up to the server and handed him the money. It was few seconds but I guess to me it wasn’t. The server who is a rough mid 30s guy and for sure not the owner of the place and not up to be called a waiter, guess maybe not even educated Alexandrian guy gave me a real demeaning look checking his head and asking “what is this?”. I who was a little bit confused as I was handing him the cheque with the money answered back. “It’s your bill, I am paying you now!”.
I noticed that the laughs at our table stopped but I was still looking at the server who shock his head again as a sign of being offended and disapproving taking the money from me, I who was still not getting it, I thought maybe he isn’t the one in charge of taking the money and I made a mistake, so I had to ask him if something is wrong, when he looked to my friends “the guys” and said “I am not taking money from “her” or what do you gentlemen think?!”. Just then it hit me an ignorant middle age male serving dessert in a small district in Alexandria stood there right infront of me refusing to take money from a well-educated young “lady” just because she is in the company of men and she is a “woman”. He made of my action a disgraceful one as how dare a woman pay for men no matter who or how she is like, not to mention now really how she is like. I who was now in rage as I got it, looked back to the guys trying to get from their faces a confirmation just incase I was wrong before I storm out of the place and ask for his employer and give him a lesson in manners that he will never forget.
Unfortunately, I turned to them with a questioning face to find my dear friends deeply embarrassed and looking to me with eyes saying please don’t make a scene. I guess my face was just as red as a tomato, then one of them took the money from the server and put it infront of me and handed the server money from his wallet while the server smiling back at him and feeling so full of himself repeating right infront of me to my friends “I would have never taken money from her, thanks sir” and he left. The girls kept on eating and didn’t look back at me or even say a word, I was shocked to the core and I guess I was a little hurt by my friend’s attitude. If that guy did what he did as a way of saying how come gentlemen not paying for the ladies, I was going to also disapprove it as its none of his damn business, but the catastrophe was him judging and discriminating me for being a woman paying for men!!!. He whose job is to serve and leave, stood there and offended “me” for just being a female. He refused to take money from a female in the company of males !!!
I turned to my friends who were still so embarrassed and I fought tears of anger in my eyes, I was offended and my intellectual highly educated pals supported a macho server over their female friends and more over they were embarrassed by his comment as one of them infront of the server told me “maysa7esh keda”. And as I was in shock I didn’t get what he meant. Even the girls didn’t support and were silent. When we left I tried being as calm as I can and asked them what the hell was that about, one of them told me that’s the guy culture, that’s how those people are, he wont take money from a woman while a man is in her company. Then we argued a little but for the sake of not ruining a lovely day and a nice trip I had to swallow it and shut up, sure they kept making fun and joking on our way back to help me lighten up, I shared few laughs but I was still upset.
I got home, full of bitterness, yeah I got too emotional about it but I guess I was somehow angry at the guys attitude and felt they were really offended by the server and I was amazed how come they didn’t support me. It was too late but my father the 64 yrs old man was waiting for me and then he asked how was the trip so I couldn’t help but telling him and I started saying sure you will take my friends side and tell me its how those people are like. But I was amazed that dad was really surprised, my 64 yrs old dad who is sort of traditional and conservative yet open minded asked me “how dare the server do that, why didn’t you call his employer and told him that his job is to collect money and shut up, why didn’t any of your friends yell at him telling him to mind his own business and do his job without allowing him to comment or judge according to his ignorant stupid mind if he got any?” And I was impressed by what he said, I told him thank God I wasn’t wrong but I had to let it go. Dad said you are a human being, what does your gender got to do with a bill, I invested my life in bringing up a lady who is liberal in her thoughts and very well respected and educated, how can you allow such a guy to offend you like that. I had to tell him that for the sake of my friends I had to not make a scene and shut up.
Dear well educated liberal friend when you stand for what you respect and believe in, stand with actions not words, let your actions speak louder than your thoughts and words. If you are seeking a change do it not just dream of it, allow others to do it by supporting them and not yielding to ignorance and allowing it to judge you and embarrass you. I guess if I was a foreigner this server would have taken the money and left silently, but because it seem that men in my country still disrespect women by believing them to be second rated no matter how this woman is like, yet since she is a female then no matter what, men are superiors.
My dear friend who for sure I know its just the situation and being caught in the same astonishment that I was in but differently that made you react this way, I know you do respect women and that’s for sure but next time try supporting what you respect and stand for. Hope I am not embarrassing or offending you as I wont ever do that but that’s my way to get it off my chest. I am going back to Alexandria soon with dad and I will go to this same place and order the same dessert, and though this time I will not be only in the company of a man but an elder respected one, yet I will pay this server the bill infront of my dad and from my own wallet and wait to see how will he reacts, this time I am well prepared, this time I have my supporter with me, this time I hope God will be with this server as only God knows what I am capable of doing if he dared to judge and offend me again.
Dudes I owe you a great wonderful day, it wouldn't have been that lovely without you, love you all, lets do it again.
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