2009

ok... as we all need to change sometimes, here I am changing and wishing...

"May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”

2009, u better be way better than 2008 though u will never be able to wipe its pain.

They do know that they seek only the chase and not the quarry!

That one from an old blog- I dont believe in it anymore- actually I hate the whole idea of chasing- I am more into job hunting now :{



It's as people say "live it … learn it". I am a silent but a very good observer who never had a long-term relationship simply because I get bored easily & quit any game so soon. Yes it's all about the game; if you master the game you are always a winner till you decide otherwise. I do know how to play but since I am a quitter, as my friends already know, I don’t care to play and I am not a fan. But though me being a quitter, I know mostly all of the game rules, I observe and study very well all competitors and rivals in the playground, the thing is after a while I find the target not tempting any more, sometimes not even worth the time or effort exerted. And just because the observer in me, can "sometimes" predict easily if it's worth it or not, I get bored easily and quit the game even if I am so close to win it.

Sure one can’t predict or assume human reactions whether man or woman. I failed several times in predicting many female friends of mine reactions even the very close ones; dammit women are really hard to read. But when it comes to men, I see it more easily, as fortunately … men, and here I am talking Egyptian men, are just very clever followers of different given well culturally designed patterns, of which I sort of know almost all. Still many wouldn't agree to that, but regarding this matter I have my own theories and let's say so far most of them proved to be right.

Some did care more to define relationships, their approach is to be respected for sure, but to me it's not always the relationship that is in need of being defined and categorized, maybe because no relationship lasted for me! Yet, a relationship is just a relationship, categorizing it aint my thing for now. What I find more tempting is the game. So about the game…well I will present one of my theories in here…. Now as for this theory, I call it the - football theory - very simple one. It goes for both many men and women of all age groups. So… ever wondered what’s with the football games that men go crazy about?! Why is it just rare to find one guy who is not passionate about it?! …Well… It’s the chase ☺ Not all men are into war & fighting but it’s rare to find one man who is not into any kind of sports, games inwhich one have targets to conquer and rivals to compete with. There is something about the chase, not the competition alone, not the sport in itself, not so and so, it’s as simple as this…chasing the ball and having it till goal is reached.

So how is that relevant to relationships? I will be talking men in here but the theory goes for both men and women ..... Now... Many Egyptian men chase their women, most of them like to chase more but why…? , cause Egyptian women were born to learn being hard to get … “el to2l san3ah”, and many are really talented in keeping men after them, being unattainable and unachievable aint an easy task. Sure there are various variables that will oppose that as some men will just get bored or turn to another ball or game, some women like more to chase and not being chased...etc. Here comes for help one of two methods, the retreat method that is suddenly being available and nice or the introducing rivals method, and here comes the competition. Once there are competitors it just gets interesting even if the goal isn’t that much compelling. There is something about competition that drive people crazy, maybe because it sort of hurt some people’s egos, and that goes for both men and women. So once the chasing phase is sort of cooling down, competitors heat it up once again. The excitement is different and more attracting. When sporting people look more attractive, they go for proving themselves all the time, same goes to such kind of competitions, and maybe that’s why some might say we love who we are around those we love?!

Lets take a winner case in here, he chased well, she played right, competitors whether for real or fake did their job and left…. then the goal, “lets say marriage as its mainly girls goal” reached and mission accomplished. And now phase two, its either one of two, having kids and not caring anymore, marriage to some people is like where will you go?! You’re mine till death do us apart, especially if both know pretty well that he or she aint good players. And that is scenario one, both of them find in their reached goal the ultimate, so they don’t care anymore, and the flame/chase is nothing but memories replaced by dull responsibilities and sometimes resentfulness. Unless a football suddenly knocked the door, or one of them was tempted to play a new match, which on the other hand for the other means competition. And here we go again. As for scenario # two, some people cant quit a game, winning doesn’t mean mission accomplished, they need a new game, they need the flame, the workout, a matter which will either require from the ball to keep rolling or for competitors to stay playing, or incase the ball and competitors are tired and not into the game anymore, then the player will look for a new game and another one & another one. The player is simply bored of what he/she owns… where will it go?! its not tempting or attractive anymore. Some players might keep their first goal, as they are sentimentally attached to it … this ball will always be a special one:) Some will just throw it away…why care for an old ball when there are many new ones in the playground.

The point is no matter how our faces change, our stories differ, and the one thing constant for both men and women is “the chase”. Its still just a theory that might be worth laughing at, some people still amazes me by just not falling into the given patterns. But let’s say for the majority, some love to chase and others love to be chased and the different faces of competition is simply the spices of any relationship. Again its one theory that applies to some people, some find it ridiculous, I find it ridiculous… I am just a quitter, I hate football and I am so bored ;)

And its just as Barbara Bush said it : "War is not nice"

We are a generation that didn't witness an actual war, we were born in the 70s right by the time it really started and ended. My knowledge of war came from movies, TV and very few books and articles. I never cared about it and always thought of it as the outcome of foolish greedy politicians playing chess but with human beings. No matter how many stories were told, sadness and grief there was about war, how many lost souls, how many widows and orphans, I never felt anything. I would go watch a movie about world war one or two and enjoy "the movie" not believing it actually happened and maybe reality was way more cruel than what the movie depicted, I end up liking the story and how it was directed and very well acted. The agony and pain that were very well illustrated might cause a certain kind of enjoyment in me and I never managed to know why I never linked it with reality.

I cant recall one single Egyptian movie about war that managed to leave the same feeling within me, actually I was never moved by any of these movies and was never amused to the extent that I turn off the TV every 6th of October to save myself the silliness of passing by and watching a scene or two of the same movies I have seen for over 20 years.

Usually they do tell a story and a significant one, we hate jews and jews hate us, we will fight them cause they want to vanquish us all and they took a land that doesn't belong to them. So we will live hating them, and as we inherited such hatred we will pass it to the next generation just as it was passed to us along with fear.

As I have been sick for 4 days now and couldn't leave bed I stayed watching movies on my laptop and listening to news coming from next room TV. Gaza was "attacked" again by Israel and seem that this was an outcome of Hamas foolish actions. But what made me for few minutes mute the movie I was watching and listen carefully to the news was that the TV reporter kept saying 155 "civilians" were killed and over 250 are badly wounded, and right after that I heard people from Gaza cheering and a woman saying they can kill us all but they wont kill our soul. I had to get off the bed and move to this TV just to see kids wounded and many bodies surrounded by chaos, people running from fire and lots of bodies of women, kids and injured men carried away everywhere. And no matter how I believed that such pictures wont affect me anymore as media served well by constantly and heavily presenting them to add to this feeling of numbness that grown within me over the years as I witnessed alot of them for decades, yet this time I was really furious but this time it was on Palestinians, on the stupid woman cheering kills us all. What kind of patriotism or glory is it in standing waiting for your death, burying your beloved and cheering over it. What is it exactly that you are benefiting from screaming and crying to the world and burying more and more of you people. Since when being a victim of stupidity became equal to being a patriot.

If this was a war maybe one would have glorified it but it is not. Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert's office said he and Israeli Defence Minister Amir Peretz "voiced sorrow over the deaths of Palestinian civilians... and offered emergency humanitarian aid to the Palestinian Authority and medical care for the wounded".

I guess I better get back to being numb and careless for a nation that if it is there for something then its for proving to the world that Darwin was a genius.

I am dizzy I guess I will get back to my movie.

On luv they said -2-

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

-Iris from the Holiday-



It would have been more lovely if said by a man !

Audrey Hepburn and Makeup

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."
– Audrey Hepburn

ok yeah I luv her but what planet did she come from?!! :P

Neighbors !!!

I remember how dad always used to say foreigners are cold just like their climate. I have no idea where did he get this from specially while he never lived among them or had direct contact with any. And sure by foreigners he was referring to Westerns. I used to nod to the idea without giving it a thought as my contact with westerns was also either through a co-worker or a friend and that’s all, so how am I suppose to know. But I did live, witness and also contacted Egyptians for a long time and when it comes to Egyptians I guess I will need 100 of pages and still I wont be saying enough. Also due to my dad’s work we did experience living among Sudanese, Palestinians, and Arabs yet may I say the worst of all Arabs as we lived for 14 years in KSA.

Just the other day I was watching Desperate Housewives as I certainly became addicted to it, but for the first time and lets say after 4 seasons of it, I just realized something, I started focusing on how this neighborhood is depicted in the series, how away from being main 4 or 5 female friends yet they all started their friendship as neighbors and one more important thing is that away from what we may think of Americans yet in this series I can see one major important matter, they are always their for each other no matter what, birthdays, weddings, funerals, and no matter how they might sometimes judge or fight with each other they end up being with there for one another and more important all do know their limits and respect one another privacy even when caring much. Also when someone new join the neighborhood we see them rushing to welcome them and sure out of curiosity do ask few questions but never too much, so incase this neighbor turns to be a serial killer or something they will just be cautious.

I am a loner yet I do know my neighbors faces, sure I don’t know everybody’s name but I know we all live in the same building. However, I remember never attending a birthday party, neither a wedding and it was always my parents who attended funerals, as we simply are not required to. My parents used to say we are lucky having good neighbors but I never got to know what does that mean till a friend of mine who was newly married started telling me how her neighbors are fighting over stupid matters and dragging each other to the police station every now and then, yet what stroke me is them being of a good social standard and living in a class A neighborhood. Another co-worker who was married for 4 or 5 years told me that she never knew her neighbors and that one day she left her kids home sleeping to run errands and got this call from someone saying that she live with her in the same building and that her flat is on fire. She told me that after the whole mess was over she tried to know who this neighbor was but she never answered her phone back and her number was the only thing my co-worker got to know about her.

And sure since you as a female isn’t allowed to leave your parents home in this country unless you are married, even many when getting divorced or becoming widows just return back and are forced to live with their parents. I knew am stuck with them and wont have neighbors of my own, so I started questioning how my parents neighbors are like especially in time of need as when else would I care. And I didn’t find them. I discovered something that for them to be there they require really being there and by that I mean getting into your life and asking every single private question you can ever imagine though we never even cared to ask the same questions in return or even know anything about them cause there is something that apparently they don’t know and that would be respecting privacy. And sure since I refused such rules they treated me coldly and rarely when even bothered to talk or say hullo to me in the elevator. When we lost mum few months ago they gathered to offer their help of which I never saw, and they were there for just one week, after that I was wondering how come our phone never rang just for checking on us as according to them my mum was a dear friend. Feasts and holidays yet no one even cared to just call saying merry eid or happy new year, and sure I wont be calling, am I supposed to ?!

I don’t know how on earth dad built this conclusion of westerns being cold and not so good neighbors and yeah it could be a series that I am getting my information from but sometimes they do reflect real life, so if we are to have a series about neighbors in Egypt and not of a lower class or something as I can imagine that would be nasty, yet about upper middle class I think there wont be much to say but we are for sure the colder no matter how our climate is like.

on luv they said ...

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

Neil Gaiman